I Thought Being in Your 20s Was a Fun Thing!!
Photo Credit: Eliana Garfunkel
Now I’m not sure who told me this, or even if someone told me this, but I was under the impression that being in your 20s was supposed to be fun. I was also under the impression that going to university was meant to be a hub of intellectualism, not terrorism. I’ve mentioned it before, but I never realized how much of a safe haven Cincinnati is. Not only do we have security from the non-Jewish world, but we seem to have respect and patience for all the different flavors of Jews out there– whether it be reform, conservative, orthodox or secular. Going from Adath Israel to university in the United Kingdom was not the easiest transition. I went from just being Jewish, to being confronted with my Judaism as a crossroads.
Eliyahu Bernstein is also going through something similar. Eliyahu is one of my peers at Royal Holloway University of London (RHUL). Born in Lithuania, but brought up in the UK, he has had a complex Jewish story, like a lot of us. His family comes from a long line of Jews, tracing back all the way to the Vilna Gaon. The majority of his family was murdered during the holocaust, but his grandmother managed to survive, and pass her Judaism onto Eliyahu through his mother… but Judaism wasn’t as on tap as it was for us Cincinnati Jews. There is a severe antisemitism problem in Lithuania, and as a reaction to this, his parents wanted to safeguard him from it, resulting in Eliyahu not really experiencing what it was like to have a Jewish community– apart from kugel. Kugel finds its way into all our lives, whether we like it or not (but who doesn’t like it?).
Eliyahu and I met at our Purim party in 2024, our first year at university. I remember him because he might be one of the tallest Jews I’ve ever met, but also because my costume was killer– Elaine Benes from “Seinfeld.” At the end of the day, he didn’t mind my barrage of texts asking him to come, because he said that he left with his soul elevated. Our very small Jewish society was also ecstatic to have a new addition, because we really need every single Jew we can get. He dove into his Jewish identity.
Now, I can’t say my Jewish journey has been steady. My late mother was a reform Rabbi, I grew up conservative past the age of 8, and I just returned from orthodox seminary for two months in Jerusalem. That’s selling the story short, but getting down to brass tax, that’s where I am on my journey. And I’ve had my whole life to figure this out. Imagine being in Eliyahu’s position, who really only had a big(ger) Jewish community accessible to him for the past two years on top of October 7th happening pretty much as soon as we got to university. So, when we sat down to chat we had a lot to talk about.
For starters, knowing your Jewish is really just the tip of the iceberg. It’s such a beautiful gift, but it can be very hard to navigate. And it can definitely be difficult to know what all of our options are. With a lack of education, it can be hard to know where you stand. Eliyahu and I both feel that way. He thought that he wasn’t qualified to speak on behalf of his Judaism because he didn’t practice it at home. Myself, on the other hand, had too much of a loud mouth when I really shouldn’t have, because my Jewish identity (and secular one) has changed drastically so many times, it must be confusing for my spectators. In reality, we’re just on time to figure ourselves out. There’s no too late or too soon, it really is whenever it is supposed to be. Eliyahu agrees. We both fight the urge to put ourselves into boxes, and just know that this should be an authentic personal journey.
However, the elephant in the room that everyone loves and hates to address is, of course, Israel. We love Israel, and we’re dedicated to her deeply. But, naturally, this has had its consequences on campus, especially when we’re trying to figure our own Jewish identities out. From bomb threats to intimidation, we’ve had it all. One time we were walking down to the train station from campus and Eliyahu was wearing his kippah when a car pulled off on the side of the road and told us to kill ourselves. He doesn’t wear his kippah in Egham anymore. So, when I’m trying to remember why my 20s are supposed to be fun, I mean why is my mind consumed with Israel when I should be focused on my degree? When I, myself, am trying to figure out what flavor of Judaism I am trying to choose, it certainly does not help when someone comes at me saying I’m a white colonizer.
There is also the factor that university just isn’t what it used to be from the looks of it. In all my classes pretty much, apart from a really good group of people, I haven’t heard a genuine disagreement that didn’t end in an eruption of some sort. It seems that the whole reason to be in a conversation is to be right, not to be in a conversation with someone that you want to be talking to. If it wasn’t for that, I think I would be more open to talking about politics with people, but I’m forced to opt for “I don’t like talking poltics.” From what I’ve been told, university is supposed to be a time where you really should be focusing on having fun, learning whatever you’re studying and growing. But these days the fun thing to do seems to be accusing Jews of genocide and not being able to separate politics from any other part of your life. There’s a time and place, and approaching me in a grocery store for being known as the Jewish society president is not one of those times or places.
If you look for it, however, there are loads of silver lining when it comes to antisemitism surrounding Israel– for one thing, there’s the spiritual/religious side to it that this is a wake up call to all Jews to not get too comfortable, but there is also the part of unification. Eliyahu reminded me that part of the healing process after October 7th is being Jewish! Practicing it, celebrating our heritage, etc. Don’t get me wrong, it is still very annoying, but being the chosen people does mean that we were chosen for more than just bagels and lox. This is the attitude that we’re going into our third and final year at university together. Eliyahu is hoping to ratify the Israel society, and I’ll be a very supportive committee member cheering him on! The one thing Eliyahu does not like about Israel is how un-English it is, i.e. the pushing in the shuk.
So, being a Jew is no less complicated than being 22 at university today. But, just like our exam schedules, we’re right on track. Eliyahu is an inspiration for what our Judaism should look like– a conscious decision that, unfortunately, isn’t always going to be easy– but no one said being part of the tribe was meant to be easy.
